So I'm one of those teachers who believes in letting my students see my human side (rather than having them believe that I sleep under my desk and wash in the kindergarten bathrooms). I truly believe that opening up to students and letting them open up to me enriches their academic experiences and teaches them valuable social skills....of course, sometimes I land in sticky situations as a result.
During testing, I work with students that have small-group testing environments mandated in their IEPs. Since we are a smaller group, we often finish early, but students can't be released back to their classrooms until recess. In order to pass the time, I bring puzzles, coloring books, beach balls, and cards. Today I was playing War with one of my students to pass the time (and help with his number sense). As I was shuffling he commented, "Cool! Who taught you to do that?" This is where the conversation went from there:
Student: "Cool! Who taught you to do that?"
Me: "My dad taught me."
Student: "That was nice of him. So your dad likes to play cards with you?"
Me: "Yep, we used to play cards to pass the time when I was home sick from school."
Student: "How come your mom didn't stay home with you?"
Me: "Well, my mom is a nurse and my dad was a writer, so it was easier for him to stay home."
Student: "Where's your dad now?"
Me: "Ummmmm....are you ready to play?"
Student: "So where is he?"
Me: "...."
Student: "Is he at home?"
Me: "Actually, he doesn't live here anymore. My dad died."
Student: "Oh, that's a sad thing....That's really sad. I'm sorry that happened to you."
Me: "Thank you."
Student: "Are you ready to play now?"
I've almost always been able to head off this question in the past, or change the subject, but this time my mind just went blank. I'm always petrified of traumatizing a student or creating a huge fear for his own parents or accidentally being the introduction to the concept of death. For some reason though, I felt like this particular student was really asking. He didn't want to let it go, and I couldn't bring myself to lie. Strangely enough, his reaction as a little buddy was so cleansing for me. He was so very sincere and thoughtful. Asking the question, genuinely hearing the answer, acknowledging my loss, and then refusing to dwell on it- one of the most appropriate expressions of grief I've received in the past 2 years.
Once again, I think I'm helping my students, and instead they help me.
4 comments:
Nice work. I think about Mickey damn near everyday. In fact I was thinking about him yesterday and trying to explain our Cosmic connections to someone last week. I sort of refuse to believe he isn't here so I talk to him anyway.
I know this might be strange, but in some ways, I miss BDG more on Mother's Day than I do on Father's Day.....he always made me feel like a million bucks on Mother's Day, telling me how much he loved having kids with me, how proud he was of me, trying to be the best mom I could be, and always always letting me know he had my back when parenting was just a little too overwhelming.......he was a great dad for sure, but on Mother's Day, he was the one who along with my kids, made me feel like a special mom........this weekend, I will look at some of my Mother's Day cards from years gone by, and feel that love again.....
Loved HAVING kids with you or MAKING kids with you? Hahahahaha.
MEGAN MAXINE SUDDETH!!!! What's the MATTER with you????? (ps.....I'm pleased to say both............) Now if you start talking about planning vacations........you are gonna pay!!!!
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