Friday, June 19, 2009
It still hurts every day...
but i think we're all getting stronger. Don't worry Daddy, since Sharon is out of town we watched Jaws and the Shining and ordered pizza in your honor, just like you. 6 months to the day and I still feel raw, but if I didn't feel that way, it would mean I valued our relationship less. The most profound thing anyone has said about all this is that "it will change you deeply, unavoidably, permanently- but it's up to you to figure out how." I still want you to be proud of me, all the time, so I'm trying to keep changing for the better. I love you and I miss you.
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3 comments:
He loved you unconditionally....but trust me when I say, he was so proud and grateful to have a daughter like you......thank you, Max, for keeping the home front covered, and for keeping your father's traditions alive. Six months down, a lifetime to go........we can do it. xoxoxo
a beautiful california evening tonight...I'm was in Greg's office, doing laundry.....and remembering how he did ALL the laundry since May, 1996. Listening to his CD's, looking at his pictures, looking at his handwriting, sitting at his desk, looking at all his reference books with little slips of paper stuck in them, looking at the little ditties the kids made for him over the years that he kept close to him while working......thinking about how much satisfaction he felt when he was happy about how the writing was going....thinking about all the times he yelled "just a minute!!?!?!" when I hollered for him to come in the house for something and he was in the middle of a thought.........tonight, it's a long walk from the house to the office, filled with lots of summer evening memories with the man I loved sharing my life with..........I still miss him so.
I spent the early morning hours at his desk, reading his journals, and feeling his energy by sitting in his chair. I think the tears were a bridge for me, taking me back to the times we got to share, and then bringing me back to this day, this time, this moment to live on...........he will always be a part of me, and I will always celebrate the day he was born. The day my true love came into this world and found his way to me all those years later..............today, I will celebrate Greg's life. Happy Birthday, Greg! I will love you forever, and make a birthday wish for you tonight on the evening star.....xoxo sharrie pie
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