I wish I had a river...I could skate away on.

Why do public places include the song River by Joni Mitchell on their Christmas rotations along with Frosty the Snowman and Jingle Bell Rock? Don't get me wrong, I love the song. I still remember the Robert Downey Jr cover on Ally McBeal that was gorgeous. But like cutters use razors, I use River when I want to have a great big bawl session and dump my feelings all over the floor. Now, that is a way more satisfying experience at home in bed than it is at the mall.

Greg moved on 52 Fridays ago. The official one year date is tomorrow, but the day of the week feels more real to me than the date; it aches more to have the last day of school before winter break and remember that a year ago I was hungover and cheerful and anxious to come see my parents. The week has been filled with tugs and reminders, but especially today.

It's too bad that a year's time seems to have brought more distance than perspective. During this time though, I've realized that I think my dad knew pretty well what I thought of him. He knew that I respected him as a man and admired him as a writer and actor. He knew I was angry for a long time about his alcoholism, and he knew how grateful I was for his sobriety. He knew that I knew he was loyal, and that he would do anything to protect me. I hope he knew how much I enjoyed the pleasure of his company.

I guess I'm grateful that there wasn't any great rift between my father and I, no big words left unsaid. What I said the afternoon he died and have thought about often since, is that it's the little mundane words that hurt so badly, the things you want to say over and over again that you've hopefully said a million times before and now you'll never say again: "I love you." "I appreciate you."

Sometimes I try to replay what I said on St. Patricks Day, but it's all a big blur. I know I left a lot unsaid. Lucky for me, there's a communication that runs deeper than words. A year later, I still find myself hoping and praying the line hasn't been cut.

If you give a cat a cupcake...Watch out!

Greg made my birthday special for so many years; even tonight, the Dodgers miraculously won their 2nd post-season game from behind in the bottom of the 9th. Tonight, I was able to make my birthday a special day for so many of the children I work with. As part of Family Reading Night at our school, I made over 80 cupcakes: we read the book If You Give a Cat a Cupcake, and decorated cupcakes in two thirty minute sessions. Before I read, I asked the students what they thought would happen if you give a cat a cupcake. One little boy was definitely channeling Greg when he yelled out, "He'll get diarrhea and then he'll DIE!"

This is the first year my birthday wasn't all about me (just mostly about me). Maybe it's the passing of the torch, but it made me better to see those kids' faces filled with light. I still miss my dad so much, but tonight he didn't feel so far away...

A few birthday memories:
1. Going to the Queen Mary for an overnight sleepover and searching for ghosts.
2. Italian party (Godfather homage, girlie style) in the backyard.
3. Greg videotaping my birthday guests in a police-style lineup against the wall at the duplex.
4. Greg and Sharon driving down to San Diego to take me out to lunch, and bringing a helium balloon for my apartment.
5. Last year, in Ventura, when Greg and Sharon spent the night in a hotel and Dillon (and the dog) slept over in the living room...after we all had a wonderful birthday dinner homemade by Sharon.

Shamrock by Bob Hummer

Here is a poem written by one of Greg's friends, Bob Hummer, that was read at the memorial service on March 17th. My apologies for sharing it so late...

SHAMROCK

BASEBALL
WORDS
THE SOUND OF THEM
SOMETHING IRISH
ST. PATTY'S WITH FRIENDS WHO RODE WITH
HIM THROUGH THE YEARS
ST. PATTY'S CATHEDRAL
TRANSCENDING
UP FROM A BODY OF PAIN
TO A PLATEAU OF GRACE
RELEASE FOR SOUL
GIFT FOR THE SPIRIT
SKY
TO THE ONES WHO HAVE COME BEFORE
TO LEARN HEAVEN EVEN FOR A SHORT WHILE
BEFORE THE NEW PLAY
CONFESSING WORDS WRITTEN AND SPOKEN
PRAYERS CROWNING THE HEADS OF
HIS CHILDREN
LIFE ETERNAL
A COMET TURNS INTO A WORLD
A LIVING SOUL
WORK SHOT THROUGH THE EARTH TO HEAVEN
POINTING TO REBIRTH'S FLAME

WARM IN THE LIGHT
OF AN IRISH NIGHT
HOLDING SHARON'S HAND
SHE AND HER FRIEND DAWN
HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM
BUT EVERYTHING'LL BE OKAY
IT'S ST. PATTY'S DAY
ONWARD GREG
FARTHER ALONG TO UNDERSTAND WHY
BUT FOR NOW
FLOATING
SOFTLY
WAY ABOVE A BED
RELAXED
EASY
PRESENT

-BOB HUMMER

Let Them Eat Cake

So the Yankees hammered the Red Sox and the Dodgers nailed the Braves with a walk-off home run (we were at the stadium to see it), and at 11:30 pm we blew out the candle on a vanilla/vanilla cupcake. Standing in the backyard under the full moon, Sharon and I each made a wish and sent off a prayer, thinking of you. I'm going to follow the Chinese custom of leaving this food out for your ghost, to provide spiritual nourishment on your journey where I cannot yet follow.

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you.

It still hurts every day...

but i think we're all getting stronger. Don't worry Daddy, since Sharon is out of town we watched Jaws and the Shining and ordered pizza in your honor, just like you. 6 months to the day and I still feel raw, but if I didn't feel that way, it would mean I valued our relationship less. The most profound thing anyone has said about all this is that "it will change you deeply, unavoidably, permanently- but it's up to you to figure out how." I still want you to be proud of me, all the time, so I'm trying to keep changing for the better. I love you and I miss you.

Thanks a Million Times Over

As I said on Tuesday night, there are no words of gratitude to sum up the kindnesses showered upon our family during the past three months. For those of you who spoke, sang, recited, and joked: thank you for sharing your talents in honor of my father. Thank you for showing him in so many lights: as a colleague, mentor, partner, and friend. For all of you who simply walked through the door: that was an act of tribute in and of itself. Thank you for helping us celebrate the life of my father. You came across distances near and far, some with little or no notice, and you held out your hand. Thank you.

Sharon is an amazing woman and a dedicated wife and mother. For all of us who appreciated this unusual opportunity to say goodbye, she is the one who made it happen. Although most of you know that I lack red meat eating proclivities, I hear the brisket was as delicious as always. Her heart and soul know no limits.

I have such an intense vivid memory of standing on that grimy, poorly-lit New York landing and feeling my father's arms so tight around me as we hugged in the middle of the night and listened to that ethereal music. Tuesday night was an unbelievable experience; to be surrounded by so many people who care about me as the song was once again released into the sky.

An Elbow to the Head...

Greg was so adept with language, with putting his own turn on a phrase, making up expressions. So many of you know his sign off, "with hugs and Irish kisses." He also had other expressions, sometimes just for one person. One of ours was "an elbow to the head."

More than ten years ago, but less than twenty, I was dumped by a guy who was cheating on me. (It's funny now to think of how dramatic high school was, but he never laughed at me to my face). Greg took me driving that night and after he said all the usual fatherly expressions (but most in language not for mixed company), he pulled over in a parking lot. He remarked how pain is something that someone else can help with, but in the end you figure a way out on your own. Then he leaned over to give me a hug but in the cramped quarters of the car he ended up elbowing me right in the side of the head. It became a standing expression for when something went wrong and he wanted to comfort me. It could be as small as a disappointment or as grave as a death. If he was too far away, he'd say it on the phone or send it in a letter. Not a hug, not a kiss, but it was more special because it was our own thing.

I miss those elbows to the head. Those won't come again, but a lasting gift from Greg was to create such a strong network of family and friends to hold me up in this difficult time. My mom and I thank you so much for all of your words. They are gifts.

In Memory of Greg

This site was set up in loving memory of my dad, Gregory Dean Suddeth. Greg left the world as we know it on December 19th, 2008. I started this website with the hope that you will share funny stories, curious anecdotes, or fond memories about Greg in the comments section below. If you are interested in sending photographs, please email them to me at missprufrock@yahoo.com and I will post them for you. Greg was an absolute marvel of a man, and we are sorry to see him go. This site is meant to comfort all who miss him, both by writing about him and reading others' stories.

Peace be with you,
Megan Maxine

Photographs of Greg

Greg as a Writer/Actor

Here is some information about Greg's professional life for those of you who are curious:

Greg's IMDB listing

Greg's Variety Obituary

Checkers: One of Greg's film appearances

A note from fellow actor/writer John Pappas (click on In Peace, The Departed)


Below I have also included the bio that Greg wrote for Angel Feathers, in which he appeared as the lead character, Roy.

From the "Angel Feathers" program:
As a playwright, Greg has had 13 plays produced in Los Angeles such as the critically aclaimed, Being of Sound Mind, Dance upon Nothing, and Very Cherry and Extra Clean at the Cast Theatre, for which he received a Rockefeller Grant. Other plays were End of the Watch, Toe to Toe, which garnered 4 Dramalogue Awards including Writing and Direction for Greg, and In the Bargain with Catherine Keener. As an actor, he last appeared on film in Robert Hummer's Checkers with Richard Herd and Shade with Sylvester Stallone and Stuart Townsend. On television, he was last seen in Will and Grace and will appear in this fall's Pushing Daisies with Lee Pace. Greg's extensive work in the theater includes appearances in his own plays Peep Show, Mine Enemies, and In the Bargain. As a screenwriter, his credits include Oblivion, Oblivion 2: The Backlash, and the highly successful Prehysteria. Greg would like to thank Cinda and Mark for driving, this stellar cast for their talent, and dedicate this play to a lifelong companion who truly cares about the little world he creates behind closed doors.

Music Greg Loved Spanning Years and Genres

Hello Friends,

They playlist has been removed from this entry and reposted on the main page, but I left the entry itself because others' words are attached in the comments section. Feel free to continue commenting on music here.

Thanks,
MSR